Mum's Test ( this is really cool)

>> THE MUM TEST
>> I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked
>> up something off of
>> the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
>>
>>  I took the item away from her and I asked her not to
>> do that.
>>
>> 'Why?' my daughter asked.
>>
>> 'Because it's been on the ground; you don't
>> know where it's been, it's dirty,
>>
>> And probably has germs,' I replied.
>>
>> At this point, my daughter looked at me with total
>> admiration and asked,
>>
>> 'Mum, how do you know all this stuff? You are so
>> smart.'
>>
>> I was thinking quickly and replied, 'All mums know this
>> stuff. It's on the Mum
>> Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
>> Mum.'
>>
>> We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was
>> evidently pondering
>> this new information.
>>
>> 'Oh.....I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you
>> don't pass the test you have to be
>> the dad.'
>>
>> 'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.
>>
>> When you're finished laughing, send this to a
>> Mum.

How Company Policy Works-Truth of Life

How Things Work In Real Life

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

And that, my friends, is how a company policy begins.

Rules of Men in life

"The man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what he has done."

 

The GUY'S RULESｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭｭ At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys ' side of the story.
( I must admit, it ' s pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules " From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.
 
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That ' s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.




1. If you think you ' re fat, you probably are.
Don ' t ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one


1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing ' s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not wor th the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don ' t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don ' t want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .


1. Don ' t ask us what we ' re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. Thank you for reading this.

How to Recognize Brain Stroke

Dear All,
 
During a Evening Party a friend (Sheila) stumbled and took a little fall -
she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics)
and just tripped over the floor because of her new shoes. They got her
cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit
shaken up, Sheila went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.
Sheila's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken
to the hospital - & at 11:00pm , Sheila passed away. She had suffered from
a stroke at the Party - had they known how to identify the signs of a
stroke perhaps Sheila would be with us today.
 
----- A neurologist / neurosurgeons says that if he can get to a stroke
victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a
stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized,
diagnosed an getting to the patient within 3 hours which is tough.
 
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
 
Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps. Read and Learn!
 
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify.
Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may
suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a
stroke.
 
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple
questions:
 
1. *Ask the individual to SMILE.
 
2. *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
 
3. *Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. . It is
sunny out today) If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks,call for
the nearest hospital ambulance and reach the patient immediately
After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify
facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the
general public to learn the three questions. They presented their
conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last
February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and
treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.
 
 

Understanding your wife

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is
as Human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or
your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a
system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary
achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters,
almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home,
people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and
even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while
you sleep oblivious to her
predicament in her new circumstances,
environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and
cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are,
maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a
servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and
is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is
clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she
is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even
men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and
yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your
irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent
insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't,
simply because you won't like it, even though you say
otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just
like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most
important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you
just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she
knows in your entire house – your unstinted support, your
sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if
you may call it.

But not many guys understand this...

Well… Give it a thought now!!

HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIZENS OF INDIA :

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI
----------------------------------------
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in PUNJAB !!!
----------------------------------------
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI
----------------------------------------
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.
That's AHMEDABAD
----------------------------------------
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes.
He writes a software program to stop the fight.
But the fight doesn't stop because of a virus in the program.
That's BANGALORE
----------------------------------------
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense..
Peace settles in...
That's CHENNAI
----------------------------------------
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth
and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in KOLKATA
----------------------------------------
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says, "don't fight in front of my place, go sum where else and keep fighting".
That's KERALA !
----------------------------------------
And the best one is ....
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as friends.
You are in GOA !!!

Pranav's Quotes

1. Life survives on changes - never avoid them. Rather accept every change as a challenge Either it will give you success or will teach you how to succeed.
2. In the ancient times,nobody had a watch but everybody had time .but now in modern times, everybody has a watch but nobody has time .so sad 
3.The world's smallest book entitled 'what does woman want?' got published with only one word written in it .EVERYTHING !
4.In life,god doesnt give people you want .instead he gives you people who teaches you, loves you, hurts you and makes you exactly the way he wants you to be :the best .
5.Great relationship is not necessarily about finding similarties .in fact it is more about respecting differences .
6.Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities.
7.If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
8.What is worst ? someone has tears in eyes because of you or someone has tears in eyes for you .be honest
9.Its a fact that a women may not help you to get lot of money but ,,. Money may help you to get lot of women .so love your work,not women 
10.Before marriage - She expects. After marriage - She suspects. After death - She respects. that is all WIFE
11.The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.
12.Now-a-days SINNERS are less dangerous than so called SAINTS
13.The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his cheque book open.
14.What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnet at-least have a positive side. :)
15. Aag suraj main hoti hain ,jalna zameen ko padta hain .mohabbat nigahien karti hain tadapna dil ko padta hain.
16.Appreciate what we have ,before time forces us to appreciate what we had.
17.Tere bina jeeya jayien na ,Tere bina jeeya jayien na ,bin tere ,tere bin saajna ,saans main saans aayien na 
18.Woman always use the best weapon in the world to defeat a man: TEARS.
19.In a Life Time, Man has not understood Woman only twice. 1) Before Marriage 2) After Marriage. :)
20.Zindagi mein 3 Factory zaroor lagao:Brain me Ice Factory , Zuban pe Sugar Factory, Heart main Love Factory. LIFE Apne aap SATIS-FACTORY ho jayegi. :)
21.Money never made a man happy yet ,nor will it.the more he has ,more he wants .instead of filling the vacuum it creates one .
22.If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money, so that you won't have to work.
23.Take care to get what you like ,or you will be forced to like what you get .
24.Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
25.If u want to know about someone's priorities ,look where they spend their money.
26.Trust starts when someone else believes in you.
27.ELDERS say that crime don't pay...so why do criminals have loads of cash,luxury cars,VILLAS.. etc etc..etc..??
28. Some people turn to God, me, I turn to whiskey. I don't see any difference ,my life still being guided by a spirit. :)

HR Managers Letter to his Girlfriend

Dearest Ms. XXX

Sub: - Offer of love!

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 20th of October (Thursday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 19th of Oct. at 1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.


Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take! up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.


Request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.


Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

HR Manager

Regular Health Mistakes

Regular Health  Mistakes

All of us make  little health mistakes that cause damage to our bodies in the long run -  simply because we are unaware we are doing something wrong. Here are some of  the most common mistakes made by  many of us.

Crossing our  legs
Do you cross  your legs at your  knees when sitting? Although we may believe that this is the  lady-like elegant  way to sit, sitting this way cuts down circulation to your legs. If you don"t  want varicose veins to mar the beauty of your legs  and compromise your  health, uncross your legs every time you realise you have one knee on top of the  other. The best way to sit is to simply place both legs together on the  floor, balancing your weight equally. If you feel like changing position, instead of crossing your legs, simply move both  legs together to one side. As an alternative, you could also consider  crossing your legs loosely at the ankles. This is  a classically elegant  way to sit, and is far better for your legs and  your health than  sitting with your legs  crossed at your knees.

Not changing our  toothbrush
How often do  you change your toothbrush? Most of  us wait until most of the bristles have  either fallen off, or are in such bad  shape that we"d be embarrassed to pull out our brush in public. However,  since not many of us need to pull out our  brush in public, we carry on with our  frayed one until we lose it. Replace your  toothbrush often. Damaged  bristles can harm the enamel, and don"t massage your  gums well. If you find brushing your teeth a pain like I do, but know you must do it, you  might as well be  doing it right. Imagine going through the  annoyance of brushing your teeth twice a  day only to find out that you"re damaging your enamel every time you clean your  teeth. Also, use a brush with soft bristles unless your dentist has advised  otherwise.

Eating out  often
There are oils  that are high in  cholesterol, and oils that cause little harm and are better  for your heart.  However, no matter how light
the oil is, it is never a good idea to  eat too much of it.  Avoid fried foods.Remember that in all probability your favorite Indian  food
restaurant throws a huge, HUGE chunk of butter in a tiny bowl of dal. Rita,  who worked in the kitchen of a 5 star hotel, was shocked when she saw the cook  chop a 500gm butter slab in half, and throw half into a Paneer Makhani dish.  No wonder the  customers left licking their fingers. And no wonder they felt  so stuffed and heavy  afterwards. Limit outdoor eating unless you know that you"re getting  served light and healthy food.

Skipping  breakfast
Never, ever  skip breakfast. Remember, when you wake up in the morning it"s been  around 10-12 hours since your last meal. Your body needs food now, more than at  any other time. Eat a heavy breakfast. You will then be busy through the day,  and the calories will get expended quickly. If you are trying to diet, eat a  light dinner. Here are some more  common health mistakes we make.  Being informed and making a few  changes can help make us feel a whole lot  better.

High  heels
High heels sure  look great, but they're  murder for your back. This however doesn't mean you should steer clear of  stilettos. Wear them, but not when you know you will be walking around a lot. Wear  them when going out for lunch or dinner -  when the only walking you will be  doing is to your car, to the table, and back. Avoid high heels when you are  going somewhere on foot. If you are constantly tempted to wear your heels, take a good look at your flats. Is there something about them you dislike? Invest  in a new pair of beautiful flats or shoes with a low heel. Buy something you  love, that you will enjoy wearing. If possible, get a matching bag. You will  then enjoy your flats as  much as you do your heels.
Sleeping on a soft  bed
You don't have  to sleep on the floor be kind to your back,  but do make sure you have a firm  mattress. Although a mattress on springs  is soft and lovely to sink into, it's bad for your back. If you already have an old bed with springs, you don't need to invest in a new one - simply get a thick wooden plank put over the springs, and place the mattress on the plank.  Similarly, if your mattress is  old and lumpy, throw it out and get a new one. Your  neck and your back will thank you. The same rule applies to sofas. If  you will be spending  hours on a sofa, get a firm yet comfortable one. Sofas you  completely sink into are not the best idea.
Pillows
No matter how  comfortable sleeping with ten cushions is, have pity on your neck and resist.  Sleep with one pillow, and make sure it is not too thick.  If your pillow gets lumpy, discard it and go for a new one. Get a thin pillow  if you sleep on your stomach, and something a little thicker if you sleep on  your back, to give your neck adequate support.
Not  exercising
So all of us  know we should exercise more, but many of us don't. This is a  health mistake we consciously make! And why is that? Simply because we refuse  to admit the damage we are causing to our bodies by not working out. A number of people  only start working out once they've experienced a warning signal.  Don't wait for a heart attack to strike before you decide to opt for a lifestyle  change. Make the change now. You don't need to train for the marathon to be in  top shape. Half an hour of brisk walking three to four times a week will make a  world of difference to your health. You could then increase this to forty  minutes, four times a week - and you're all set. If you haven't  exercised for a week, you're making a mistake.

 

What interviewers Expect

Question 1: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:




An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.


Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?


This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.


* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.


The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?


He simply answered:


"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."


Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."


Question 2: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"


The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"


Question 3: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.


Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.


Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked


Question 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?


Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"


He got selected.


You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.


(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)


Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"


Question 5: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"? People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka etc...


But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura. In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar.


So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!


Question 6: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."


Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table. Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table, then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.....


And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ........




This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....


"THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX"

Women Arrest law

Woman Arrest Law:
An incident took place in Mumbai - a young girl was attacked by a man posing as a plain clothes officer; he asked her 2 come 2 the police station when she & her male friend didn't have a driver's license 2 show. He sent the boy off 2 get his license and asked the girl to
accompany him to the police station. Took her instead to an isolated area where the horrendous crime was committed.

The law [which most of us are not aware of] clearly states that between 6 pm and 6 am, a woman has the right to REFUSE to go to the Police Station , even if an arrest warrant has been issued against her. It is a procedural issue that a woman can be arrested between 6pm and 6am, ONLY if she is arrested by a woman officer & taken to an ALL WOMEN police station. And if she is arrested by a male officer, it has to be proven that a woman officer was on duty at the time of arrest.

 

Please fwd this 2 as many girls you know. Also 2 boys coz this can
help them protect their wife, sisters and mother. It is good for us to know our rights.

The Problem is Within us...

Small Story with a good moral
   
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she
used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the
family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told
him there is a simple informal test the husband could
perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her
hearing loss. Here's what you do," said the Doctor,
"stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal
conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If
not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you
get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking
dinner, and he washing the den. He says to himself,
"I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for
dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about
30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about
20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for
dinner?"
Again he gets no response so, He walks up to the
kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other one as we always

think, could be very much within us..!

Blood Donor Site

There is a site: www.friends2support.org
where u can search for a particular blood group,
U 'll get thousands of donor addresses.

What Women Really want-A extremely Good Story

This is very interesting..........(to women) pls take time to
ponder........(to men) enjoy the story........

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved
by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom,
as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would
have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still
had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do
women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to
young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better
than death, He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by
year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess,
the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with
everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people
advised him to consult the old witch, For only she would have the
answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous through
out the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk
to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to
agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the
Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur
was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth,
Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He
refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden,
But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He
said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And
the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed
and the witch answered. Arthur's question thus: "What a woman really
wants?"
She said, "Is to be in charge of her own life."
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great
truth.
And that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was.
The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom.
And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a
horrific experience, entered the bedroom.
But, what a sight awaited him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she
appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed
self only half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half.
"Which would you prefer? She asked him.
"Beautiful during the day .... or at night?"
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?
But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments
with?




(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below:
BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY?






Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question,
He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time.
Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
life.
Now... what is the moral to this story?







The moral is...
1) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get
ugly.
So, always remember:
IT'S EITHER "HER WAY" OR IT'S "NO WAY" !!!

Eliminate Cancer

PLEASE SPARE 10 MINUTES TO READ THIS

AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY (TRY THE KEY WORD) AND ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHN HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY.

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.
11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.

CANCER CELLS FEED ON:

a. Sugar, is a cancer-feeder.

By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like Nutrasweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in colour. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt. ( THE WEST MADE US 2 CHANGE FROM SEA 2 WHITE IODISED SALT )

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus .

By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soya milk cancer cells are being starved.

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment.

A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains
livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful,especially to people with cancer.

d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment.
About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for
building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine.
Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties. Water- best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.
12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become putrified and leads to more toxic buildup.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor ssence,Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins,minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind,body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

PLEASE READ ON

1. No plastic containers in micro.
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well. Dioxin chemicals causes cancer, especially breast cancer.

Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at CastleHospitalwas on a TV program to explain this health hazard.

He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to
foods that contain fat.

He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Instead, he recommends using glass, such as CorningWare, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, CorningWare, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.

Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.

This is an article that should be sent to all in your life,


I am doing so now.

Mallu Nurse-Good One

pls read….go one!!!
A family at Changanachery (Kerala) was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from USA .... It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed into the coffin, with no space left in it! When they opened the lid they found a letter on top which read as follows:

Dear brothers and sisters ,

I am sending our mother's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be buried in the parelpally cemetry. Sorry, I could not come along because nurses salary is going to increase from next month so I doubt whether I will get in case I am not here. You will find inside the coffin, under Amma's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of chocolates and 4 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On the sides of her head there is a tin of Nido and Tang. On Amma's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoe (size 10) for Biju.Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Lijju's and Ammani's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Amma is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Sujoy and the others are for Tomy and Samin. The 2 new Jeans Amma wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Minju wanted is on Amma's left wrist. Tangamma Aunty, Amma is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you had asked for, Please take them. The 6 white cotton socks that Amma is wearing must be divided among Johnny and Nikhil.

In Amma's pockets there are about 25 envelopes that are to be posted immediately. Some are drafts from the exchange company. Those marked 'By Hand' are to be hand delivered (these are letters from my friends in the hostel.There is also Rosamma's wedding album I brought here to show (off) my friends in Riggae hostel on my last visit. Also, you will find some syringes and two boxes of panadol and some other medicines which I don't know what for. But still I am sending them. Give it to the neighbours of Shantamma , OK ?

Appa is also too old and very sick nowadays. I will send more items,
 when I pack him, hopefully by the year end.

Regards

Laly Mol.

Bill Gates 11 Rules of Life

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

All India Terror Helpline

Dear All

In case you come across any suspicious activity, any suspicious movement or have any information to tell to the Anti-Terror Squad, please take a note of the new ALLINDIATOLL-FREE Terror Help-line "1090". Your city's Police or Anti-Terror squad will take action as quickly as possible.

Remember that this single number 1090 is valid all over India.

This is a toll free number and can be dialled from mobile phones also. Moreover, the identity of the caller will be kept a secret.

Please, try to aware each and every citizen of Indiaabout this facility. Forward this mail to as many people as possible, and tell everyone individually also.

Good Eating outlets in Pune

Name Dish Location

1 Ranzaai The chicken ( gavraan) served here is awesome ..dont forget to have a tikhat ( marathi for spicy) matki usal ...and masala papad A place near Wakad Flyover ..If you are going from Infy towards Aundh,turn left once u reach the flyover

2 Tirangaa non veg 1. near overbridge karve road,2. opposite to PCMC, Pimpri

3 DURGA Cafe Cold Coffee for Rs 8/- on the way from Chandani Chawk to Paud-Phata, near Anand Nagar, Paud Road, Kothrud

4 Chaitanya paratha FC Road,Branch in Kothrud just next To 'Geetai Mall' near Durga

5 Top in town non veg FC road

6 Shailesh sugarcane juice near S. P. College on Tilak Road or at Cane House in Model Colony

7 Roadside Tapri Dabeli opp Deccan bus stand-next to the entrance to HongKong lane

8 vaishali south indian FC road

9 Rupali south indian FC road

10 manmeet basket chat FC road

11 blue nile non veg Camp

12 gopi's non veg tilak road/narayan peth

13 Navle Missal missal chinchwad

14 Hindustan Bakery Veg pattice

15 Darshan for continental food and sizzling browny (Ice cream dipped in Hot sizzling chocolate) On Prabhat road, Next to Prabhat Police Stn

16 Ice Magic or Icecream Magic (Dunno the exact name) The bait: Cadbury Thick Shake (More precisely known as CAD(M) for the Milk Chocolate and CAD(B) for the Bitter/Dark Chocolate)The damage: 25/35 bucks for half/full respectively (throw in a few calories too) Next to Pizza Hut, Karishma Society, Off Karve Road, Kothrud... in the gulli opp McDonalds

17 BIPIN Snaks Vada-Pav (4 Rs),Khichadi (Sabudana 7 Rs).

Tea(3) just amaizing.Poha (5 Rs) just tooo good. For those who eat poha from RKHS please go and see what actually Poha is Upma (5 Rs) Limbu SArbat (4 rs) The two wheeler bridge (from Puna hospital.) ends on Karve Road. Just next to the junction before Gaware Highschool

18 Don't Know exact Name For Limbu Sarbat Juces and Sandiches. The prices are like 3-4 for sharbat, 10-15 for sandwiches. next to Bank Of Maharashtra (Mrutunjeshwar Temple)Mayur Coloney,kothrud.

19 Anarase Bandhu Samose-waale Samose A small Tapari in front of DnyaanPrabodhini, Sadashiv Peth

20 aaware mess kolhapuri gavran chicken One of the oldest non-veg mess in Pune at Laxmi Road

21 Burger-King Chicken Burger (Don't try Veg-Burger) Camp

22 Roadside Tapri Kanda-Bhaji sinhgad fort

23 Tulsi masala tea FC road

24 Roadside Tapri Mango-Shake ( Rs 5/-) chapekar chouk , chinchwad

25 Roadside shop Bhelpuri, Dahipur,Shevpuri Pradhikaran, Nigdi (close to Bhel chowk). Near Hallmark

26 just outside Shivajinagar Railway stn matki bhel

27 Kalyan Bhel bhel, pani-puri Bibwewadi-Kondhwa road.

,Market Yard, Pune , SNDT road

28 Kayani bakery Mawa cakes East Street, Camp

29 a small road-side shop fruit plate and fruit juices Tilak Road near S. P. College (Only at night).

30 Sujata Mastani mastani Sadashiv Peth or Bibwewadi-Kondhwa road or Near Vaishali on F. C. Road

31 Ramnath kolhapuri misal near Durvankur Tilak Road (WARNING: at your own risk!)

32 Bombay Brasserie Kabab Factory (unlimited kababs and unlimited awesome sweets) on D. P. Road, Koregaon Park

33 Nandu's all kinds of Parathas on D. P. Road, Koregaon Park

34 bedekar missal near modi ganpati,Or wile going to ABC(Appa Balvant Chawk) after Z bridge you take first Left .(u'll see peter England Shaw room near the end of that road..)

35 Mankar South Indian (Dosa's and Uttapam's) Near Erandwane Police Station. just after Kalmadi hischool take left and after Ganesh Bhel there is a badminton court along side Mankar..

36 The Clove 4th floor, Ozone North Indian Food aundh

37 Sandwich wala Club Sandwich Greetwell Card's shop. This is located near Archies on FC Road

38 Supreme Corner pav bhaji(rs-50) J M road

39 Stall Poha, Idli Sambhar, Sabudana Khichadi and Upma An old man has a stall opposite Sai Heritage, Aundh

40 Kirana Shop Idli Chatani (4 for Rs 10/-) Kunal Icon Shopping Complex (Kirana Shop)

41 durvankur maharashtrian thali tilak road

42 mathura Maharashtrian Food (thali which will have Besan, Baingan ka Bharta, Bhakri (Rotis made of Jowar and Bajra) J M road

43 chowpatty Pitl- bakhri (Ask for the red chutney there) opp Sunguard when you turn to Senapati bapat road from university road.

44 Gola Wala Gola wala who makes some mouthwatering golas in all sorts of cool flavors like butterscotch, chocolate, tomato, aqua and so many more FC road

45 Joshi Wadewale wada Pune

46 café good luck MASKA BUN ,Masala Omlett with Maska Bun FC road

47 Shree Upahar Gruh MISAL PAV (They serve great sabudana khichadi on fasting days like Thursday, Saturday and Chaturthi . ) Near Shanipar - from Laxmi road take a tur and from Vama go straight and cross the chowk. It's a small place in a wada on left side of the road

48 Poonam panipuri sambhaji park

49 Kalpana Bhel Bhel Near Girija, Tilak road

50 Hotel Kirshna masala pav Law college road

51 burger hut chiken burger , infact many types of burger aundh , a road from parihar to sanewadi

52 kavare mastani mastani laxmi road

53 road side tapri matki bhel one old lady prepares matki bhel near high fashion on laxmi road

54 road side tapri corn bhel FC road,near archies

55 hotel samudra juices are best near karishma, kothrud

56 hotel sarja non veg aundh

57 german bakery all types of tea,sandwiches etc Koregaon Park

58 Sukanta rajasthani thali J M road

59 panchavati gaurav thali bhandarkar road

60 gujar mastani mastani, some innovative types of mastani near citipride swargate

Do Not Drink & Drive

I was walking around in a BigBazar store making shopping, when I saw a Cashier talking to a boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buythis doll. Then the little boy turned to me and asked: ''aunty, are you sure I don't have enough money?''


I counted his cash and replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy the doll, my dear.'' The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.



Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this

doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much. I wanted to Gift her for her BIRTHDAY.



I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give itto my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so my sister won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check

again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.



The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to

sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that

mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy,

but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses.'



I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I

Couldn’t get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local

news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The

family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining

machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?



Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news

paper that the young woman had passed away.. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a

beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and

the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling

that my life had been changed for ever.



The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still,

to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk

driver had taken all this away from him.

Please DO NOT DRINK & DRIVE.

40 Important things in life

ADOPT 40 THINGS IN LIFE:


Health:



1. Drink plenty of water.


2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.


3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.


4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.


5. Make time to practice prayer, meditation and yoga.


6. Play more games..


7. Read more books than you did in 2008.


8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.


9. Sleep for 7 hours.


10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.


Personality


11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.


12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.



Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.


13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.


14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.


15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip. (Means Assooya parayaruthu)


16. Dream more while you are awake.


17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.


18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past.

That will ruin your present happiness.


19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others. (Areyum Verukkaruthu)


20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.


21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.


22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.

Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class

but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.


23. Smile and laugh more.


24.. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.


Society


25. Call your family often.


26. Each day give something good to others.


27. Forgive everyone for everything.


28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.


29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.


30. What other people think of you is none of your business.


31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will.

Stay in touch.


Life

32. Do the right thing!


33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.


34. GOD heals everything. (Namuk aswathikkam)


35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.



36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.


37. The best is yet to come.


38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it!


39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least

40. Do not forget to thank all those who have touched your life in some way or the other

Santa & Banta Jokes

Refresh your self





Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in m! edical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Banta ek ! sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa:Q: Why dogs don't marry? BantaA: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly hit a girl!
The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!
Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says Santa and hangs up.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa: "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
Banta: "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..?
Biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When Banta asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks, for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa. 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Santa: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

How did Panditji Kill a Lion?
Panditji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let the lion eat me.
Hari Om!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Banta: Y?
Santa: Got upper berth.
Banta: Y did'nt u try to Xchnge?
Santa: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b there.............
Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Sardar and his family went for a party. He introduces himself -
I'm sardar, she sardarnee, the boy my kid & the girl my kidney....

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Professor Banta asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

On a romantic date Santa's girl friend asks him "Darling on our engagement, will you give me a ring?
He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing? Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Banta.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
He compares it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa proposed to a girl......
Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Santa said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After Seeing he went to Delhi. Guess why?
The FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

A Teacher was lecturing on Population Explosion - "In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid."
Santa stood up and said - "we must find & stop her!".

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa - "why are all these people running?" Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup." Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

19 Sardars went to watch a film.
On being questioned about the big group, they replied that the film was only for above 18...

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa recently found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "You will go to jail".

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat; goes out, climbs a tree and sits on the branch regularly.
Banta asks why he does this.
Santa: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what was to be filled in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floor
At the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!
At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!
At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting taxes.
Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!"

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?"
Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India